Thursday, April 2, 2009

Synchronicity of Another Kind

I have been in a strange place lately. I have felt that something inside of me needed to come out. I think I may have stumbled onto what that something is. Consider these:

1. I have not updated my genealogy database in about a year. I recently received an update to my software, so I opened my family file. I entered the data regarding my mother's death. The date was May 10, 2008. I have not been able to even consider updating my file until now.

2. I recently dreamed that I told my mom, "I will see you in heaven."

3. I talked to a friend this morning who reminded me that I was grieving.

4. The title of today's post Patti Digh's 37 Days blog was "Poets Help Us Grieve" and she included a beautiful little poem by Jane Kenyon that resonated very deeply with me. Things that remind me of my mother have caught me unaware, completely grief-stricken.

5. I pulled out my checkbook today. The check I wrote on had bluebirds, my mom's favorite. I remember a picture of one in the viewing room at the funeral home. I completely lost it when I saw that picture.

So while these things are telling me I need to completely grieve the loss of my mother, I find it difficult because of the array of emotions surrounding my thoughts of her. I would say it is a bit overwhelming. I am thinking of slowly going through my photographs and letting myself feel the extent of my emotions. I hope it will bring me some peace and calm my heart.


Judy Wise said...

I've traveled this road too. For me only time soothed the heart. You have my best wishes. (hug)

Pherenike said...

Updating your genealogy database would be a huge step. You are healing bit by bit. Take care.